Untitled: When you can't say anything else

In life we face many obstacles. Some come as easy things we can do. Others come with much strife and heartache. I know in my life the second scenario is most common. But where does it come from. The elite Christians would say it comes from the fall when Adam and Eve bit that apple. While that is very true and does contribute I think it comes from a longing for someone, something to fill that space in our hearts that screams for it. Let’s talk for a minute about this. We were created by a loving creator that wants us to acknowledge and be in love with him. He gives us options free will some may call it. This is strength in disguise because if we choose to take the easy way the first scenario is played, but if we take the hard road strife and heartache will come yet the end result will be glorious. I just had a birthday and it was great yet I was still longing for answers about my life. I am twenty – two I haven’t passed my freshman year in college. I have made friends yes yet it is coming to a time when they will all leave. I just broke up with my girlfriend while it was the right decision cause I am not ready for those types of commitment  yet that isn’t there. The feeling of loneliness floods me every single day. My best friend is following here heart and boyfriend to where he is living. While I am happy for her it still hurts to see her go. There are others that are walking out of my life while they will keep in touch it won’t be the same as if they were here. I look to God for that comfort that only he provides yet its hard to keep putting your faith in the unseen. I am not saying I am losing faith just that it’s hard. For the first time in my life have felt like just leaving before being left. Not just the city, state, or country but the planet. Yes, I have thought of suicide. Then I remember  I am a child of God and I can get through this because I know that He is carrying me. I can’t seem to talk to anyone about this because they all expect me to be this strong easy  going guy. I don’t want to disappoint them. Sometimes I wonder if they even care to look and see that I just need a shoulder to lean on. Someone to just cry in front of and not ask questions or tell what the Bible says. While I need that it’s not always the best medicine. I’m tired of having to paint this mask on my face so everyone else will stop asking questions and to show that I am ok cause in reality I hate who I am. I don’t know if this obstacle will ever be gotten over. That is all I got so I’ll keep painting this face until I rescue myself from a broken heart, loneliness, and forgotteness.